i was once a young man

i can still recall the night my mother waited vigilantly for me . it was a tense moment as we barely spoke when in truth a lot needs to be spoken . i felt cornered with seemingly unreasonable expectations. the young blood in me rebelled because i felt i have wings to fly. no one should stop me from what i thought was right. we drifted as our path leads elsewhere and the lost years took it's toll.i will forever regret those moments where tears of a mother flow so helplessly. where the silence of a father speaks loudly of his disappointment.. but as years go by i was fortunate to realize that true love never dies .

now as i sit in opposite role , i beamed with pride for my young ones are blossoming into promising adults . i try to be a parent who understands the flow of time,stumbling every now and then but won't give up in making sure that all is well.yes, the time will come to let go and for one to move on, but moving on doesn't mean goodbye. my children, there is no replacement in the heart for someone whom we love . there is no substitution , no stand-ins of any kind. i pray my young ones will realize too that being an adult will not mean one is no longer a child in the eyes of your parents.

this page is dedicated to parents who were once children and children who will one day become parents

3.8kg

By the time the next one arrived , I was feeling more composed . I mean I have gone through the drills , surviving those grave yard shifts, the scalding of hot water , the dislodging of stinky nappies . Yup I reckon it will be a breeze.

But this one begs to differ. Almost bald yet so adorable , she soon set her terms , screaming viciously with Swiss like precisions when her feed is due. I often wonder where did those vocals come from . It certainly didn't show in her bright eyes when calm prevails , or perhaps that was to deceive the unsuspecting ones.

There are too many fond memories I have of my girl . Her soft silky hairstyle typifies the Mohican look .I remember getting edgy as her hair growth seems to be rather slow . Then there were the many times I had to perform a fatherly duty of escorting her for her little business . Without a choice I was forced to stick my feet under unfriendly public toilet doors, just to assure that daddy's around , but let's skip reminiscing the chore that follows thereafter. Most of all I remember vividly her face when she arrived to join me in a trip abroad . When she step out from the arrival gate , I could see her searching the waiting crowd looking for me , and when she spotted me , I saw the most radiant and biggest smile that I could ever ask for as she ran shouting out my name .. a moment I'll treasure till I die.

Mirrors and cameras bring a totally new meaning to me now. I used to regard them as mere objects but my girl showed me the truth , that mirrors and cameras are alive. Her antics and poses ( yup the one with the right hand on the head) never fail to amuse me . The quiet infant is now the live wire at home and in outings . She could drag us out of our slumber to enjoy the simpler things in life , like playing in the rain , crying at sad Korean movies with her partner in crime (her mom lah) ,cycling without a care in the world, even her failed attempts at cookies . And now daddy's got bigger worries .. cos my little girl is a baby no more. You get paranoid of things and events and especially of boys surrounding her . What are their motives eh ? Well don't you ever dare hurt my girl!

I know at times (ok most times) I tend to be over-protective. But the cliche is that which father doesn't? But I'm guessing she knows that I care , that this grump will always be there to keep an eye on her well-being.

Yes my 3.8kg has come of age. From the adorable to the beautiful one , she brings smile and happiness . Time and again she brought pride home with her academic and sporting success. I know there will be a day where I will have to let go ,but for now I will be there by her side to guide and protect . She is after all my princess .

My 3.8 kg

my first 4.1 kg

It doesn't seem too long ago when I first held my first 4.1kg. There he was a big one compared to the dear young mother. I was having a kinda fuzzy feeling that day , not really knowing what to expect being a dad. But it's true what they say ,when you see the eyes of innocence looking at you , you just know what to do.

It only seems like yesterday when we brought the bundle of joy to our cosy little home . But nah it wasn't like them fairy tale stories . The cuddly one becomes a scary piece of meat screaming his lungs off as twilight encroaches. At the receiving end , two panicking parents were frantically trying to figure out what's wrong. Funny though how a simple car ride works , an early lesson in parenthood to never give up.

This 4.1 kg was and will always be a joy to watch . He is the chatty one with seemingly no end to his stories and questions, yeah I missed those early days. I missed those many tender moments as our baby grows within us. I wonder if he remembers the time when I cycled him around the whole neighbourhood , the time when I got so upset and ready to fight a cab driver whose ruthless driving caused my little fella to fall and cry in the car . I wonder too if he remembers the time that I got so angry with him for wanting to go home to pee when I was in the midst of performing obligatory prayers during Ramadan.

Times flies as I see him grow from a bubbly one to excel in his studies from primary right to tertiary . How he on so many occasions made me proud as he honours the family's name. I see before my very eyes how my son grew to be a fine young man , ready and eager to face the world and make the best of life.

Yet I can't help worrying about him . Will he grow up and be a quiet and distant figure to us? I can't help worrying about peer pressures , about extreme influences , about expectation .. about well I guess about everything. I worry he will lose sight about the basic things in life , about family values , about care and concern of those who truly love him.

And as we inch closer towards the greater challenges in life ,I hope my 4.1kg will continue to remember his roots , remember his priorities , always be fearful of Allah.

My 4.1kg